In 2011, the house directly beside mine stood empty; it had been empty since before we moved into our home in 2010. The house was nice, but had been tied up in the housing market collapse as a foreclosure. The yard was badly neglected (think mostly dirt and weeds) because the house had been empty for multiple years. Typically, our HOA does not approve of this in any circumstance (you’ll get a letter for an oil drip in your driveway), but it seemed like the bank didn’t care what the HOA thought. One day there was a car in the driveway and someone inside doing some work, so I stopped in and discovered that he was an investor that planned to flip the home. We chatted briefly, then I left. A month or so later, the house sold and my new neighbors moved in. 

I would soon meet 3 people that I could have never imagined would have become such special people in my life and to the story of my life. Basem, Suzanne, and Ramzy, their son, who happens to be the same age as my daughter, were my new neighbors. 

Basem’s family is from Palestine, but he grew up in the suburbs of Chicago. He is a die hard Cubs fan and cheers for the Bears like they’ve never lost a game. Basem has been in the auto industry in a dealer service/finance type role since I’ve known him. Basem cooks the best tri-tip you’ve never tasted.

Suzanne’s family is from Egypt but she grew up around Baltimore, Maryland with her parents, sister, and brother. Suzanne has a doctorate in education, works for the University of California system, and has spent time consulting for multiple school systems. She is one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met.

Our kids became an initial connection point for our families because they would play together in the front yards of our homes. An early memory of Ramzy makes me laugh every time I think of it. One afternoon I had Asher and Amery outside in the front yard playing some game and a tiny, young Ramzy came around from the side of his house. This meant he either escaped through the back sliding door, or the garage that has an exterior door. When he joined us in the front yard, I immediately asked him if his mom knew he was outside. He responded with a confident, “yeah,” and a look that communicated, “of course she knows, Chip; I’m 3 years old!” A few minutes later, Suzanne came flying out the front door in full-on-mom panic. She did not know. We kept playing that day, but Ramzy didn’t sneak out anymore! From then on, he would get clearance from Suzanne or Basem to come out front, OR we would pass kids across the fence in the backyards. 

During this era of my life, there were many external voices beginning to “other” certain people. According to the outside voices, “we were fundamentally different on every level and we must limit interaction.”

For a long time those outside ideas went unchecked for me. I believe those ideas always come from a place of fear and often ignorance/unwillingness to learn about different cultures. 

I can’t imagine moving into a suburb like the one we live in as a young family with brown skin, and being named Basem. I’ve watched the workers in local stores be rude to people that look different, whether that be Muslim/Hindu/African American, then look at me with a huge, welcoming smile acting like we’re old pals. I am not good enough to hide my inner thoughts when this happens, and I’m sure my facial expressions speak for me. 

Within the first year that I lived next door to Basem and Suzanne, the more this rhetoric unraveled for me; I realized we were more similar than I could have imagined. My interaction and developing relationship with my neighbors began to break down the ideas that I had allowed to go into my brain – which was actually making me into a person I didn’t want to be and into a person that didn’t represent what (or who) I was trying to model my life after. One day on my way to work, I was listening to a local talk radio station and the personality that was “hosting” was actually just berating the folks that would call in, as well as those he would invite to be on the show. At that moment, I realized where my own attitudes were coming from and I changed my intake. I immediately felt a temperament shift in myself. 

It was becoming more obvious the more time our families spent together, that we both held our faith in a special place, we both loved our families, we both wanted to care for those around us, we wanted the best for our families, and perhaps we both had heard the same rhetoric about each other. We’d learned from each other that our respective faiths had their own shortcomings as well – we both got associated with extremists that didn’t represent us and gave us a bad rep. 

Basem and Suzanne were sharing about a religious leader from their worship center that they disagreed with because of his views, and Traci and I had plenty of similar examples from our own associations. The night we discussed this, I remember we laughed about this as friends – “you mean we aren’t the only ones with crazy people?” We both were trying to show others the “normal” side of our faiths. 

As the years went on, we shared many meals (Suzanne would even send over extra food to our house when she cooked a big dinner), we celebrated kindergarten, we celebrated birthdays, we celebrated holidays like July 4th together in the driveway over a fire pit. My family was invited to celebrate religious holidays and traditions with their family, which was an incredible honor for us. In the summer of 2015 Basem was out of town, which left Ramzy and Suzanne home alone during Ramadan. We were able to host Suzanne for dinner in our home during one of the nights of Ramadan. How cool that we were able to offer food to our friend that hadn’t had any food or drink all day long? We were happy to wait until sundown; it actually wasn’t too much out of our normal dinner hour during that phase of life. I know my cooking wasn’t as good as what Suzanne had offered to us when we broke fast with a Ramadan meal at their home in previous years, but it was so cool to share that moment. 

Some may struggle with the idea of breaking a Ramadan fast with my friends, but the basis of Ramadan is highly similar to the practice of Lent, which many Christians practice. 

Ramadan is a religious celebration in which, “Muslims are also encouraged to give to charity, strengthen their relationship with God, and show kindness and patience.” –BBC article 

“Lent is often described as a time of preparation and an opportunity to go deeper with God. This means that it’s a time for personal reflection that prepares people’s hearts and minds for Good Friday and Easter. The three main things people focus on during Lent are prayer, fasting (abstaining from something to reduce distractions and focus more on God) and giving, or charity.” link to article

No matter your religious affiliation, if any, I think we could agree those 3 main focuses of Lent or Ramadan are good for any of us, and for those around us. 

This isn’t about trying to convince you to be Muslim,Christian, Hindu, or anything else. I am simply wishing you the richness of the experiences I’ve had.

These neighbors – turned lifelong friends, reinforced my hesitancy to the stories that are nearly always fear based or self-preserving, that try to create division between us, whether that be cultural, racial, or geographical.

In the summer of 2015 Basem, Suzanne, and Ramzy moved to California. When they moved out of state, we were all sad to see them move, BUT we ended up visiting them within a month. We still celebrate birthdays and special moments in life even though there are more miles between us..

Here are a couple things I learned when I stopped listening to the media, and other people around me, and opened my heart and mind to truly be the neighbor I’m asked to be by the faith I try to practice.

1. My life has been truly enriched by the conversations we’ve had. I’ve been free to ask questions out of curiosity to learn and expand my knowledge… and not out of a place to start arguments or prove something.
2. We are far more alike than we are different. From the ideas we hold as important for our families, to the thought of, “we aren’t the only ones with crazy people representing us,” there are a lot of similarities.
3. If Basem or Suzanne ever offers to cook for you, you ALWAYS say YES!

Thank you Basem and Suzanne for the many ways you’ve enriched my life, my family loves you guys, and always look forward to getting to spend any time with you.